yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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