Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
