I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
