i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
