Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
babies were throwing up all over the place
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I party with great urgency now.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
