i just wanna soil my oats bro
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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