just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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