Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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