Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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