Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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