I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Well I just put wine in my tea
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
