swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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