I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
