Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
