this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
