we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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