a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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