Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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