I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
