my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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