giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
