if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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