Tell her she can't have a vagina
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
