just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
