honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
