They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
