So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
