I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
