ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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