The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
