Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
