I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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