Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
