Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Terrible idea I love it
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
