Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
