1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
