Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
