i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
