are you still at the devil's house?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
