Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
