spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
areolas are like halos for boobs.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
