Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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