I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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