we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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