haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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