So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
