She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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