I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
