So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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