good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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