bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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