you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
