My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
